Living with depression part 1

So I would say that the start of my mental health problems started when I was around 7/8 years old.

My parents divorced and I grew up incredibly quickly becoming widely aware of situations and things that kids of that age shouldn’t really worry about.

I worried about whether the other parent would be sad or upset, I would be cautious of telling the other parent about the fun I had incase it made them feel bad about not doing it with them instead. It got to a stage where I wouldn’t stay at one parents house or do anything with them because I become so homesick.

When I was 10 I was meant to go on a 2 week holiday to Florida. At that point terrorism was becoming widely known about and I refused to go because I didn’t want to fly or leave Norfolk. I sobbed hysterically at the thought of leaving the house because I was terrified the plane I would go on would be hijacked and i would die. Very extreme thoughts for a 10 year old.

I would worry constantly about money and wouldn’t ask for any or new toys or things. I knew that both parents were working hard and hearing conversations about divorce settlements and things that most kids shouldn’t have to see or hear.

Now I’m not saying that my childhood was terrible and poverty stricken…i was very fortunate to have 2 hard-working parents, a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes on my back. BUT I know now that I was suffering with my mental health and I wish I had spoken out more, told people how I was feeling, actually enjoyed being a child and not worrying so much.


10 facts about me.

1. I’m a young mum to two children from East Norfolk

2 . I applied for uni when I was 18 to study midwifery…didn’t get in then a few months later i fell pregnant with my first child Charlie.

3. I still have a strong desire to be a midwife after the amazing care I received when having both babies.

4. I lack a filter which stops me saying what I’m thinking…add alcohol to the mix and oh boy I ain’t pretty.

5. I love to bake. My friends and family love the cupcakes I bake and I regularly give them out as gifts…a cupcake, pot of tea and a good chinwag can sometimes be all the therapy you need for the day.

6. I have a small circle of friends who I class as family, and a brilliant family who I would struggle massively without.

7. I’m a very flippant person…i can’t focus on just one thing…when I tried blogging before I rambled on about parenting, food, washing and life…i couldn’t stick to one niche of blog.

8. I love cleaning, I’m obsessed with trying new cleaning products, tips and hacks.

9. Everything that I do is essentially for my kids, I very rarely put myself first. I know that’s normal but I think there’s definitely some room for improvement with the whole “self love self care” thing.

10. I suffer greatly with my mental health. Falling pregnant with my first made me realise I suffer with my mental health, but looking back to different scenarios, events and even back to my childhood and teen years I’m pretty certain that I’ve suffered from a very young age with anxiety and depression.

So this is me.

Continue reading

And then she was one!

My darling Lydia Rose has finally turned a whole year old. A year since I achieved my much anticipated vbac, a year since I become a mother to a little boy and a little girl. My hands may be full but my heart sure is fuller.
We have achieved so much in her first year earthside, her nature is so wonderful, smiles and waves at anyone who comes into contact with her, she gives the biggest cuddles and saves the best for her mumma and her appetite is incredible.

She loves dancing to any music that comes on, smiling at Mr Tumble and squealing with happiness and excitement when Peppa Pig comes on the tele.

With walking being a major milestone at only a dainty 9 and half months old, she now loves to walk to the school to pick her big brother up and being a sassy little lady with her cute little mannerisms and infectiously cheeky personality.
Separation anxiety is only a problem if I want to go to the toilet in peace…now that I’m back at work she’s with her grandparents and auntie, And its almost like I don’t exist; I love the fact that I can leave her for the day knowing that she’s Happy, safe and having a wonderful time.
My hopes for the next year of Lydias life is to shape her into a caring, happy toddler, take lots of photos capturing those funny moments and to teach her to stop being such a tease to her brother…who said having kids was easy.

Back with a bang!

Well not quite a bang but more of the pop of a cork from a bottle of prosecco!

I’ve taken a well needed break from blogging and life in general and spent some time trying to find myself and get myself out of the phunk that is depression and anxiety.

Not going to lie, but it’s been dark, confusing and muddling, but after admitting i need a bit of help, a trip to the doctors and some me time is what’s required to get this mumma back to business.

Mental health isn’t easy to explain to anyone that hasn’t been there themselves, some days you are just plodding along and others you just shut yourself away with the curtains closed as your mind fogs over whilst you just about function to tend to the demands of the children.

I’m gutted for my kids that I haven’t been in the best mindset to give them a brilliant summer holiday but I’m determined to give the last week a good shot at it.

Ciao, adios, I’m done.

Danielle x

Lydias weaning journey part 2

The next stage of Lydias weaning journey was originally meant to be an introduction to more textured purees but we’ve decided to start introducing finger foods instead.

To be honest I’m still pretty confused on the whole puree thing so I’m just going to “wing it”…either way she’s trying new foods right?
So far Lydia has been having baby porridge about an hour after her morning bottle and it’s been going down a treat…apart from banana porridge, she gagged at the first taste, persevered over a few days but she wasn’t having any of it.

We’re now ready to start introducing lunch and dinner to keep my little piggy fed and happy. I’m hoping to be able to give her a variety of finger foods for lunch with a fruit puree for after, and our family meal for dinner either just popped on her highchair or whizzed down to a more textured puree.

As Lydia is very demanding when it comes to food I love the idea of having some handy finger foods to hand to pop on her highchair for breakfast, lunch and dinner so any recipes you other mummies have will be much appreciated.
Danielle x

Lydia Rose 6 month update.

6 months, half a year, where has the time gone!

My darling girl it’s been 6 months since you entered the world and so far it’s been magical but hard bloody work with you and your brother.

You’re now 16lb 4oz, eat 3 meals a day and still love your milk. You wear some gorgeous 6-9 month clothes and you still keep your headbands on.

Your favourite toys are the jumperoo, baby Annabelle and the remote control; your favourite food is pasta Bolognese; your favourite programme is Shimmer and Shine and your favourite song is “wind the bobbin up”.

Milestone wise you are sitting up so confidently and strong, bum shuffling across the room and bouncing up and down on your bottom when you get excited.

You love your brother so much and find him so stupidly funny, whatever he seems to do he always puts a huge smile on your face.

I can’t believe you’re half a year old already!

I’m hoping that we’ve moved house by the time she’s 1, that’s the goal. By that time I should be back at work and saving up for the future, a holiday to Disneyland Paris is being talked about so hopefully for Charlie’s 7th birthday we will be having breakfast with everything Disney!

Mummy Mondays!

Another Monday is here, school runs are in full swing and life is just non stop crazy.

I have a massive obsession with cleaning and watching obsessive compulsive cleaners has been my hobby of choice on this week of maternity leave.

I find cleaning rather satisfying and it definitely seems to relax me after a crazy day, I have no control over life but I can control how clean my home is, especially with a nearly 5 year old and a soon to be crawler.

This week sees the arrival of a new washing machine which I’m so excited about…a bigger machine and more eco friendly which should hopefully trigger a decrease in the energy bulls!

We’ve also decided that this year we WILL move house. We’ve only lived in this house just over 3 years but decided just after a year we wanted to move to a bigger house. There was always something getting in the way of moving and the timing was never really right; but this year we WILL be moving before Lydias first birthday which is 6 months a way. It will be a challenge but it’s a manageable one.

Here’s to another week…glass of wine in hand and trash t.v. 

Danielle x

Mummy Mondays!

Another bank holiday has been and gone and I’m thoroughly looking forward to getting the biggest back off to school and a routine back in place…I thrive on routine.

Parenting can be bloody tough and testing at times, and as much as we love our kids sometimes we just need our own “time out” to recharge and recuperate.

I love a good book, and I also love a good bottle of wine…combine the two and you’ve got a perfect evening planned. 

I’ve always been a bookworm ever since I was a child, grew up reading Roald Dahl and Jacqueline Wilson, survived the teenage years with Louise Rennison, and now losing myself into the world’s of Giovanna Fletcher, Jenny Colgan and Sophie Kinsella.

What books do you enjoy reading? And do you prefer to read a proper book or are you converted to the world of kindles and reading devices?

Danielle x

Lydias 5 month update!

My sweet baby girl you are now 5 months old! It really has flown by and the milestones you’re reaching is incredible!

Lydia is such a happy baby and so much easier compared to her brother when he was her age. 

She currently weighs 15lb 4oz and is inbetween sizes (3-6 and 6-9) because of her length. She’s also drinking up to 6 7oz bottles a day and having foods too.

She sleeps like a dream and has 2-3 naps depending on what we’re doing and if we’re travelling in the car.

Her favourite toy is by far the jumperoo and she can spend a good 20 minutes bouncing away and spinning around in circles. She also loves her baby Annabel doll and Fisher Price beat belle which were easter presents.

She started sitting up around 4 and a half months and is so strong now! Her bouncy chair is no longer being used and she loves playing on the floor with her big brother. We seem to have skipped rolling over but along with her sitting upright she’s also been shuffling backwards on her bottom.

She loves all vegetables and most fruits, the only fruit we’ve had complete refusal of is banana…but with me and my mum not being able to stand them it must be genetics!

With artificial grass now laid down in the back garden we’re looking forward to getting some sunshine and spending the summer outdoors.

Lydias weaning journey part 1.

As Lydia is weaning earlier than 6 months we’re starting off down the puree route rather than baby led weaning. I used the baby led weaning approach with Charlie and loved it, but I’m equally excited to do the puree approach.

There’s alot of hype over Ellas kitchen products so I thought I’d give her weaning method a go and so far I LOVE it. So easy and simple to follow, if you are part of the Boots UK parenting club you can pick up the Ella’s kitchen “a tiny taste of the First Foods Book” for free using your vouchers or the Boots app; or you can download the Ella’s kitchen “first foods” app from the app store or Google play.

The best advice I can give is to start on veggies first, not sure how true the “start on savoury before sweet to avoid a sweet tooth” theory is but veggies are 

  • a) somewhat easier to prepare and puree
  • b) much cheaper as you can buy them fresh or frozen

So far Lydia has tried every vegetable from the first tastes section and there hasn’t been any rejections (clearly has her mother’s appetite) and any purees that were left over have been popped into an ice cube tray ready to be defrosted and warmed up.

Prepping and cooking these first purees is so simple! Wash the vegetables, peel what needs peeling, chop what needs chopping into small cubes, boil for 12-15 minutes then drain and whiz into a smooth puree with a couple of tablespoons of water using a blender or hand mixer.

Our next stage is to add some simple finger foods and more lumpier meals.

What were your little ones first tastes?

Danielle x